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January 19, 2007 - 01:30 AM

Holy capriciousness

Thomas Cranmer ... had believed, with a fervor that many people today will find hard to understand, that it is the duty of every Christian to obey the monarch, and that "the powers that be are ordained of God" (Romans 13).

As long as the monarch was ordering things that Cranmer thought good, it was easy for Cranmer to believe that the king was sent by God's providence to guide the people in the path of true religion, and that disobedience to the king was disobedience to God. Now Mary was Queen, and commanding him to return to the Roman obedience.

Cranmer five times wrote a letter of submission to the Pope and to Roman Catholic doctrines, and four times he tore it up. In the end, he submitted. However, Mary was unwilling to believe that the submission was sincere, and he was ordered to be burned at Oxford on 21 March 1556.

At the very end, he repudiated his final letter of submission, and announced that he died a Protestant. He said, "I have sinned, in that I signed with my hand what I did not believe with my heart. When the flames are lit, this hand shall be the first to burn." And when the fire was lit around his feet, he leaned forward and held his right hand in the fire until it was charred to a stump. Aside from this, he did not speak or move, except that once he raised his left hand to wipe the sweat from his forehead.

From Hugh Latimer, Nicholas Ridley, & Thomas Cranmer.

January 16, 2007 - 06:59 AM

Businesses are starting to get it

UK retail chain Marks & Spencer is more than just dramatically reviving its flagging financial fortunes: CEO Stuart Rose says the entire company is going to be carbon-neutral within five years. That's equivalent, they say, of taking 100,000 cars off the roads each year.

The plan, which will cost an estimated £200m (US$390m), will only use offsetting as a last resort. Instead they're going to:

  • Source as much food as possible from the UK and Ireland to reduce transport emissions, with labels to identify food that's been flown into the country
  • Ensure all of their clothing and packaging is recyclable
  • Manufacture polyester clothing from recycled plastic bottles instead of oil
  • Trial the use of food waste to power its stores
  • Stop sending any waste to landfill

And they're going to do all this without passing the cost on to their customers.

(Their press release has lots of details.)

They're calling this mammoth project "Plan A" because, says Rose, "there is no plan B." He also notes that "this is a deliberately ambitious and, in some areas, difficult plan. We don't have all the answers but we are determined to work with our suppliers, partners and Government to make this happen. Doing anything less is not an option."

Sure, I expect they're hoping to cash in on the increasing concern expressed for environmental issues, but who cares? That's what businesses do. And far from just dumping cash into offsets (though that is of course much better than doing nothing) M&S is actually putting some effort into this. A whole shitload of effort, in fact. What a fantastic demonstration of the corporate sector leading by example. May many follow.

Mr. Rose, I'm proud to announce that you're the first ever recipient of the Halfacanuck Prize for Being Cool as Fuck. I'm not sure what the prize actually is yet, but I guarantee it'll be recyclable.

January 14, 2007 - 05:54 PM

Irreducible illogicality

Derek the hacksaw Have you ever used predicate calculus to prove the validity or invalidity of an argument? It's fun, in a nerdy kind of way, and a lot less terrifying and tedious than it sounds. Let's give it a try! How about we test the argument "the irreducibly complex nature of the eye proves God's existence"?

Aw, come on. What would Jesus do?

Leaving aside the abject pseudo-scientific fatalism of declaring (usually without a shred of evidence other than the claimant's own bewilderment) any naturally occurring structure as beyond naturalistic explanation, and also the question of whether the eye really is irreducibly complex (for our purposes it makes no difference), let's approach this from a strictly logical point of view. Is the argument logically valid? Essentially we can boil it down to this:

  • The eye evolved or was created, but not both
  • If it did not evolve then it was created
  • If it was created then there is a creator
  • The eye is irreducibly complex and thus did not evolve
  • Therefore there is a creator

Seems fairly sound, on the face of it. But that's why we have formal systems of logical analysis: natural language can sometimes fool us into thinking things that only seem to be correct. So as a first step, let's assign a label to each of the claims it makes (known as "predicates"):

Label Predicate
a The eye evolved
b The eye was created
c A creator exists

Now we need to connect those predicates together to restate the argument in a formal way. We'll need four of the symbols defined by predicate calculus to do this, and those symbols are:

Symbol Meaning
and And (true if both predicates are true)
xor Exclusive-or (true if one predicate is true and the other false, but not both)
not Not (true if the predicate is false)
implies Implies (we'll get to this in a moment)

The meanings of these symbols, or "operators," follow pretty closely to the "natural" sense we use them. The only slightly tricky part is implies (implies), which has one somewhat counter-intuitive aspect until you think about it for a bit. The statement "a implies b" is considered false if a is true and b is false, but true in all other circumstances. This is the mathematical meaning of "implies" rather than the natural one: the only time an implication can be proven false is when the hypothesis (a) is true but the conclusion (b) is not. Makes sense, right?

Okay, so this is where the real nerdiness begins. Let's take those predicates (a, b and c) and the operators and begin stating the argument formally, line by line:

a xor b

The eye evolved (a) or the eye was created (b) but not both.

nota implies b

If the eye didn't evolve then it was created.

b implies c

If the eye was created then there is a creator (c).

nota

The eye did not evolve.

Since all these have to be true in order for the final line (the conclusion – that a creator exists) also to be true, we join them together with ands:

(a xor b) and (nota implies b) and (b implies c) and (nota)

The parenthesis around them is to clarify which operators are affecting which predicates. There are rules to it but in this case it's pretty straightforward, since I've already gone through it step by step.

Next we join this (the hypothesis) with the conclusion using another implies (implies):

((a xor b) and (nota implies b) and (b implies c) and (nota)) implies c

In other words, we're saying that the hypothesis is logically equivalent to the conclusion, since that's another meaning of implies. If the two do turn out to be logically equivalent then we say the argument is logically valid. If they're not, it isn't.

That's all well and good (and deliciously nerdy), but what do we do now? Well, we could deduce an elegant formal proof using the fundamental axioms of predicate calculus, but I don't have the faintest idea how to do that and, let's be honest, nor do you, so let's take the brute-force approach: we'll construct what's called a truth table.

Truth tables allow us to test all combinations of true and false for all the predicates in the statement. The truth table for not (not) looks like this:

a nota
T F
F T

Thus when a is true, nota is false, and when a is false, nota is true. Let's look at the truth table for and (and) as another example:

a b a and b
T T T
T F F
F T F
F F F

Easy, yes? You betcha. But it gets even easier! We can use instead what's called an abbreviated truth table, which represents the same information more compactly. Again for and it looks like this:

a and b
T T T
T F F
F F T
F F F

As you can see, the third column of the "full" and truth table is now the second column of the abbreviated version. We simply write the outcome of applying the operator to the two predicates underneath the operator itself.

Remember how I said "this is where the real nerdiness begins"? Well, this is where we get into the totally cool shit, which is actually demonstrating the validity or invalidity of the argument! I know you're just as excited as I am.

Now we make another truth table, except this one represents the entire argument as constructed above. It might look a little daunting, and you have two options: try to follow along with the truth values (and my explanation is, admittedly, probably not adequate for that, but with this primer at hand you should have no problems) or scroll past in horror and trust I'm honest. Either works for me, though I recommend the latter.

So here it is, in all its majesty:

(( a xor b ) and ( not a implies b ) and ( b implies c ) and ( not a )) implies c
TFTFFTTTFTTTFFTTT
TFTFFTTTFTFFFFTTF
TTFTFTTFTFTTFFTTT
TTFTFTTFTFTFFFTTF
FTTTTFTTTTTTTTFTT
FTTTTFTTFTFFFTFTF
FFFFTFFFFFTTFTFTT
FFFFTFFFFFTFFTFTF

The things I do for you.

Okay. Now what? Look at the column highlighted in yellow (the second from the right). The rules say that when testing logical equivalence in this way, if that column is all true, then the hypothesis is logically equivalent to the conclusion. And in this case, indeed, we can see it is.

So wait. The argument is logically valid? Yup. Weren't expecting that, were you?

But that says nothing about the truth of the argument. Formal logic is silent on that matter: all it can tell you is that the conclusion is true if and only if all the predicates in the hypothesis are true as well.

That is to say, provided a and b above are both true (in the real, everyday sense) then c is also true. In this argument, however, that's not the case. The problem lies with this part of the hypothesis:

(a xor b) and (nota implies b)

Remember, this is saying "the eye evolved (a) or the eye was created (b) but not both, and if the eye didn't evolve then it was created."

But a moment's thought (which is a moment longer than most creationists and supporters of "intelligent design" give it) reveals this is not true. Even if the eye didn't evolve, that doesn't necessarily mean it was created. What this amounts to, as Richard Dawkins (amongst many others) says, is nothing more than falling back on a default: god. But the default was chosen arbitrarily. I could just as easily say "if the eye didn't evolve then it was brought to Earth in the belly of a faster-than-light fruit bat by Derek the generous but slightly shy hacksaw." The argument would still be logically valid, but it would also remain utterly arbitrary and thus preposterous to anyone with half a brain.

If creationists (or even proper scientists, for that matter) do ever find something in the realm of biology that is genuinely irreducibly complex, i.e. which could not have evolved by gradual steps (and this is looking less and less likely with every passing news report of yet another discovery that reinforces evolutionary theory), all they'll have proven is that evolution is wrong, not that creationism (nor, sadly, Derekism) is right. There's a big difference.

Despite being absolutely convinced that not a single one of you is still reading, I'll sum up by saying that, first of all, logic is a beautiful, beautiful thing, but its beauty is no guarantee against it being abused by the demented. Also, yes, I'm fully aware that I need to get out more.

January 14, 2007 - 09:59 AM

Don't burn those Christmas accoutrements

Sage and timely advice from Cecil Adams of The Straight Dope:

My assistant Una had an Uncle Bob, a manly man who felt throwing the Christmas tree away was a waste of good firewood. So he tossed it in the fireplace — gave him a nice warm glow. Unfortunately what was glowing was the roof, presumably ignited by embers. Fortunately the fire was small and anybody with a hose could have put it out. Unfortunately the hose was frozen solid and the fire department had trouble getting the nearest hydrant to work. Fortunately the firefighters were able to throw a ladder up against the house and put out the fire with a chemical extinguisher. They then hacked off a small hunk of charred roof with axes, peered into the crawl space, and declared the fire out. Unfortunately, having by now found an operational hydrant, the firemen declared they needed to hose down the roof "as policy," sending a torrent of water through the hole and collapsing the living room ceiling. Really unfortunately, the house that all this happened in belonged not to Uncle Bob but his in-laws. Bob bought them an RV and matters were pronounced square, but it was a lesson he won't soon forget, and neither should you.

January 13, 2007 - 10:16 PM

Malfunction in the Denial Engine?

President Bush is set to make a historic shift in his position on global warming, apparently. Tony Blair's knees must be very sore.

January 13, 2007 - 09:57 PM

Time well spent

So you want to be the first person ever to build a scale replica of the battle of Helms Deep in the medium of candy?

Too late.

Favorite quote: "If you look closely you can see [Gandalf] with a wizard’s staff just wrecking shit in the middle of orcs who are getting fucking pwnt."

January 13, 2007 - 08:15 PM

After

If you pour oil into water and stir vigorously the result is an opalescent liquid that, from a distance, appears to be uniform in composition. But if you look closer you can see that far from being uniform the two liquids are in fact still quite separate; it's just that one of them has been torn into billions of tiny spheres, suspended within the other (indeed, it is partly because of the influence of the latter that the former takes its shape).

If you let the mixture sit for a while, the liquid that had become manifoldly fragmented gradually organizes itself back into one. Individual units that, from a subatomic perspective, may as well be considered as distant from each other as I am from you, slowly but surely drift downwards and find each other, kiss, touch, come together. Then more join them. Then more. And eventually, after the evaporation, what remains is all-encompassing.

January 12, 2007 - 07:53 PM

Hard proof the Bible is still relevant, #1

Ironically effeminate photo of a Bible

Welcome to the first in a series of entries in which I present incontrovertible evidence that while the Bible may have been written by people living thousands of years ago and thus whose everyday experience was about as far removed from ours as we can even attempt to imagine and written for their equally primitive, ignorant and superstitious contemporaries, it is nevertheless still of direct relevance to our 21st century reality.

First the teaching, then some telling real-life examples.

The teaching

"Say to Aaron: 'For the generations to come none of your descendants who has a defect may come near to offer the food of his God. No man who has any defect may come near: no man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed; no man with a crippled foot or hand, or who is hunchbacked or dwarfed, or who has any eye defect, or who has festering or running sores or damaged testicles. ... He may eat the most holy food of his God, as well as the holy food; yet because of his defect, he must not go near the curtain or approach the altar, and so desecrate my sanctuary. I am the LORD, who makes them holy.' " So Moses told this to Aaron and his sons and to all the Israelites. - Leviticus 21:17-24

Real-life examples

Lance Armstrong

Bicycling enthusiast Lance Armstrong's damaged testicles displease the LORD even more than they do Armstrong himself. Which is, one assumes, really quite a lot indeed.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

No sanctuary for Franklin D. Roosevelt: millions may have revered him as one of America's greatest leaders but that doesn't stop his useless withered little legs upsetting baby Jesus. "Mr. President"? More like Mr. Presi-don't!

Stevie Wonder

Toss the freak his sandwich from a safely sacred distance, but don't hit the piano! ("Praise Him with stringed instruments and organs." - Psalm 150:4) Our heavenly Father purses His mighty lips at Stevie Wonder's scarred, detached retinas. As God made him, so can He spurn him.

Amen.

January 11, 2007 - 10:31 PM

A message to the faithful

You are wrong.

Your preposterous worldview would be laughable if it weren't so demonstrably dangerous and immoral.

Your claims about reality are simply not true, and they're hurting innocent people every second of every day.

Your god is an insecure egotistical petulant sadistic monster, the teachings of whom prevent you from behaving or even thinking as morally as an atheist can.

You're losing control of this world, because fear can never win against rationality. It's time for you to grow up and face a universe that resounds with magic and glory not because of but despite your childish "creator."

It's time for your silent opponents to speak out, to mock your ridiculous ideas, to treat them with the derision and disgust they deserve, and to condemn your terrified, obnoxious, cancerous mythology to the garbage can of history.

Fuck your imaginary goblin in the sky. I don't need him any more. No-one does. He doesn't rule us now, and that concept fills me with more joy and freedom and hope and wonder than you'll ever be able to know.

And now, O ye priests, this commandment is for you. If you will not hear, and if ye will not lay it to heart to give glory to my name, saith the LORD of hosts, ... behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces. - Malachi 2:1-3

January 09, 2007 - 06:52 PM

Instructions for your new soap dispenser

  1. Pour soap into soap dispenser until soap dispenser is full of soap
  2. Use soap dispenser to dispense soap until soap dispenser no longer contains enough soap to dispense
  3. Repeat*

*I probably found this a lot funnier than you did.

January 07, 2007 - 03:15 PM

Bitten off > can chew

In what is certainly my most ambitious venture since attempting at the age of 15 to walk to my house three miles away along a busy highway at 2am in December without a jacket or socks after drinking three-quarters of a bottle of very strong vodka, I've decided to find out if it's possible to build a net zero energy apartment building right here in downtown Vancouver, and if it is, build it.

I think I'm serious. At the very least it'll keep me off the streets.

I have, so far, made a laughably confused wiki. Great progress, I'm sure you'll agree.