halfacanuck: Sri Lankan surfer regrets prayer for 'gnarly waves'

December 28, 2004 - 01:03 PM

Sri Lankan surfer regrets prayer for 'gnarly waves'

Following Sunday's devastating earthquake that sent tsunamis smashing into Asian countries from Sri Lanka to the Maldives, Sri Lankan surfer Poom Khun accepted responsibility earlier today for the more than 50,000 resulting deaths.

"I felt it was time to come clean," he said at press conference in the Sri Lankan capital of Colombo this morning. "I prayed for some gnarly waves in church that day, but for real I had no idea it would actually work. This is just doke, dude."

The 24-year-old surfer said that while he "pulled some totally radical aerials" from the giant waves, his causing the deaths of "so many innocent dudes and dudettes" was "a major bummer."

Khun said he was provoked into his unusual prayer request by the lack of "tubular barrels" in recent weeks.

"I was so over the lull, dude," said Khun. "I was totally aggro with God that day. I was like, 'Brah, dude, where's all the righteous pumping?' But if someone had said this would happen I'd be like, 'Sha. As if.'"

Khun said he most regrets causing the deaths of those victims who were "total Betties," "crippler chicks," "coolaphonic railer dudes" and even "beach bunnies," "seniors" and "random standers," but said he was less upset by the loss of the "brodads and donkeys."

"I mean I didn't want anyone to eat sand," he said, "but if you think about it some of those who bailed must've been totally unrighteous hodaddies. Maybe one of them was so heinous that many bodacious kahunas had to wipe out."

The part-time bartender said he will contribute to the massive relief effort currently underway, but hopes his money will go to people who are "nectar switch-foots" rather than "hiddie kooks and ballers."

"They can get bent," he added.

Comments and trackbacks

Here are the erudite, piercing and profoundly arousing comments and trackbacks left so far by my alert readers regarding this entry (you too can make me tumescent by leaving a comment of your own):

You rock, dude.

Marina – December 28, 2004 10:44 PM

in kind of poor taste...i'm all for not taking the world or yourself too seriously but...

sal – December 29, 2004 01:36 PM

I don't think asking "why" – even if there are no answers – is ever in poor taste, to be honest. I'd rather ask that question than pretend to be grief-stricken about strangers who died far away. For me personally asking "why" these things happen is something constructive I can do, something positive I can take from it, even if I arrive at no conclusion.

As for the humor, if that's what it was? Probably a defence mechanism. But (again, personally speaking) I'd been reading so much seriousness and pseudo-grief and seeing so many heart-rending pictures that I, for one, needed to laugh about it. I don't imagine many people laughed with me, but I don't feel it was inappropriate for me to try.

Ross Thomas – December 29, 2004 02:01 PM

I laughed, and was grateful for it. Humour is a great defence mechanism, and anyone who doesn't appreciate it should have no problem finding more tales of tragedy in which to wallow elsewhere. It's not like you forced them to read the whole thing, right?

sxKitten – December 30, 2004 04:08 PM

Yup. Wallowing is a great word for it (and I can never hear it without thinking of The Simpsons' Mr Burns "wallowing in his own crapulence," not that that has any bearing on this post).

Ross Thomas – December 30, 2004 05:08 PM

There was no wallowing, no whining, no revelling in grief in my comment. You invited people to speak their minds. I just gave you my gut reaction. Probably won't be back too often.
BTW: I thought The Conscious Universe post was quite awesome.

sal – January 5, 2005 12:10 PM

sal: The "wallowing" thing wasn't addressed at you, at least, not in my comment. I was referring to the media coverage in general. I'm sorry you got the wrong impression. I probably could've been clearer.

Thanks for the compliment on "The Conscious Universe" – I'm still trying to figure out the ramifications of how the world works at that level, how it affects us here in the "real world." But the more I read about quantum physics the more understandable I find it that a significant number of scientists working in that area are at least deists.

Ross Thomas – January 5, 2005 12:20 PM

Where oh where did you find so many surferisms?! Is there a surfer dictionary somewhere? Totally awesome...I'm not worthy...etc. btw: I think a little mild, benign humor is not entirely uncalled for in this situation. One can chuckle a bit and AT THE SAME TIME launch prayers and/or put a few bucks into a "relief effort" jar.

Neb – January 19, 2005 09:45 PM